The Cronut Burger and a Fistful of Bacon – No Wonder North Americans are Fat

Cronut Burger from Epic Burgers & Waffles and ...
Cronut Burger from Epic Burgers & Waffles and La Dolci (Photo credit: LexnGer)

So, apparently, over 100 people (so far) have gotten sick as a result of eating cronut burgers (right) at the CNE.

For those of you not familiar with this particular piece of modern North American cuisine, a cronut is the bastard offspring of a donut and a croissant.  Toss in a (presumably) beef patty and some sort of maple-bacon jam and – voila – a cronut burger!  What could go wrong?

Now initial suspicions are pointing to food poisoning (at the CNE, surely not), and the cronut burger vendor has “voluntarily” closed shop pending inspection by Toronto Public Health, but I have limited sympathy for 100 plus people who are, at this very moment,  praying to their respective porcelain gods having eating a cronut burger.  I mean, come on, even if it isn’t tainted, that’s a pretty grotesque meal (and I use that term loosely).  Illness is probably the least unhealthy thing that could happen to you after eating it.

On the subject of unhealthy eating…

If anyone wants to know why North Americans (and in particular North American kids) are turning into a collection of tubsy-ubsies, let me regale you with a couple of  anecdotes from my recent trip to Niagara Falls.

English: A pile of baconOne morning, I was at the food table at an all-you-can-eat breakfast place (yeah, I’m no saint).   In front of me was this kid, who must have been 10 or 11, piling his plate with what looked like a pound of bacon (the picture on the left? Yeah, that’s about right).  Ok, well, yeah, when you’re a kid, you’ll do some stupid things, that’s why kids have parents, to keep you from doing stupid things.  But, when this poor kid waddled back to his table, did his parents have any comment on his culinary choices?  Was there a “You’re not having THAT for breakfast”, or a “go back and get some fruit and stop eating like a pig”?  If they even noticed what their kid was eating (how could they not? It was a fucking mountain of bacon), they apparently didn’t object.

Shortly after that I was down in Buffalo at the local Wal-Mart (as an aside, I love that you can buy beer at Wal-Mart in the US – the Americans may be fucMega Stuf Oreo Closeupked up on a lot of things, but a civilized society should let its citizens buy beer and wine with their groceries.  On that, at least, they’re way ahead of us) and I grabbed what I thought were some Oreos for the kids.  Well, they were Oreos… sort of.  They weren’t regular Oreos.  They weren’t Vanilla Oreos. They weren’t double-stuff Oreos.  Nope, these were MEGA-STUFF Oreos!  Yeah, that’s like the middle of four normal Oreos squeezed into a single Oreo.  Because apparently, it’s just not possible to gorge oneself sufficiently with old-fashioned double-stuff Oreos.  Basically, these are one-step removed from selling people a can of Oreo filling and a spoon. Who thought this was a good idea?  And who (knowingly) buys this crap for their kids?

Now, on one hand, I’m hardly one to criticize. I’m as fat and lazy as the next guy and, lord knows, I’ve been known to belly up to the all-you-can-eat bar for a second serving of my favourite forms of cooked pig (although I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten a plateful of bacon in one sitting).  Still, even at the all-you-can-eat place I have enough self-respect to toss a few pieces of melon or whole wheat toast on to the plate to at least pretend that I’m eating a balanced meal.  And when it comes to my kids, well, they’re getting a balanced meal whether they like it or not.  That doesn’t mean that they don’t eat junk food (after all, I was buying them what I thought were Oreos for a treat) but at least I make sure that they get a more or less balanced diet.  But if kids are eating mountains of bacon and Wal-Mart is selling Mega-stuff Oreos (it can’t all be by mistake), apparently some parents don’t give a shit.  No wonder we’re all fat!


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