Rob Ford’s Got 99 Problems

Poor Rob Ford, he’s got more problems than Jay-Z (without the upside of being married to Beyoncé). And they keep piling on.  Take yesterday’s news.   

On Monday, Ford’s two press secretaries quit, apparently as a matter of “principle because they felt they could not continue in good conscience after Ford’s Friday statement (read: dishonest bullshit).  Hmm, that’s bad. When decent people are fleeing your office like the plague, you have a problem.  Ford – a guy who seems to be unable to look at a bad situation without asking himself “how can I make this worse” – promptly appointed Amin Massoudi  (formerly Doug Ford’s executive assistant) as his communications director.  Seeing that Massoudi was previously fired from Ford’s election campaign  after police found marijuana in his car, you sort of have to wonder about the thinking behind this appointment: 

“Hmm, we’re up to our asses in drug allegations, let’s appoint a communications director who we previously fired over drug allegations.”  

Yep, that’s that crystal clear Ford logic that we’ve come to know and love.

And speaking of questionable human resource decisions, how about this story, about David Price, a Ford family friend apparently hired by Ford largely for his loyalty?  After a weekend of listening to Ford deny that a video showing him smoking crack even exists (contrary to the eyewitness evidence of three eminently more respective eye witnesses), we learn that David Price, one of Ford’s top aides (and, according to the Globe, allegedly “Drug” Ford’s former partner in his hashish operation ), allegedly told Ford’s former chief of staff, Mark Towhey where he’d heard that the video might be found.  According to the Star:

Price contacted Towhey late on May 17 and asked “hypothetically” what if someone had told him where the video was. “What would we do?” Towhey was asked.

Towhey, a former military man and the most experienced official in Ford’s office, was alarmed at Price’s comments. Price went further and said, “What if a source has told me where the video might be found?”

Shocked, Towhey told Price that the only thing he would advise is going to the police. Price also said that the video may have been the reason that Anthony Smith, a person pictured in a photo with Ford, was killed.

Towhey’s response, according to sources, was to tell Price that he would be contacting police.

Towhey called police, and shortly before he went in to give a sworn statement on May 18, Price contacted him and passed on the apartment numbers and floor (17th) of a building in Rexdale where Price said his “sources” had told him the video might be found. Price did not identify his sources.

Got that?  According to the Ford brothers, the video of the Rob smoking crack doesn’t exist. But that didn’t keep them from dispatching their trusted hatchetman, Price, to sniff around the wastelands of Rexdale looking for it.   

But come on, do we really need more evidence that Fords are bullshitting us when they claim the video doesn’t exist?  Even Doug Holyday, who is both a decent man and an extremely loyal supporter of the Fords, is prepared to concede that the video exists – he’s not convinced that it’s real, which is fair – but he accepts that it exists. 

Then there’s the story of poor Mohammad Khattak:

Anthony Smith (left) and Muhammad Khattak (right) with their buddy Rob Ford
Anthony Smith (left) and Muhammad Khattak (right) with their buddy Rob Ford

According to the Star, Khattak is the second man in the picture with a seemingly well-refreshed Rob Ford and the now-deceased Anthony Smith.  Smith, you may recall, was shot and killed several months ago in what police described as a “targeted” hit. Now we learn that the man who was wounded in the same shooting that killed Smith was none other than the unfortunate Mr. Khattak.  Geeze, having your picture taken with Rob Ford seems is bad for your health!

At the time, police were baffled by the motive for Smith’s murder.  But, now, the Star offers up a plausible answer.   Smith – one of Ford’s former football players – may have been the one who took the Ford crack-smoking video on his iphone.  According to the Star homicide detectives are looking into that possibility.  Certainly, it’s more plausible that Ford might have smoked crack (or some other drug) with someone he knew (and perhaps even trusted – look at that picture, Ford has his arms wrapped around Smith for Christ’s sake) than with some no-account Somali drug dealers.   Perhaps not coincidentally, the mysterious Somali drug dealers who are purportedly shopping the Ford crack video first approached the Star with the video 4-days after Smith’s murder.  The obvious implication is that Smith was killed for the video, so that it could be used to blackmail Ford (or sold to Gawker).  According to Star, Khattak, who might actually have some insight into Ford’s activities that night, isn’t talking, not even to his mother.  Given what happened to his buddy Smith, you can hardly blame him.

For Ford this raises a serious problem.  If Smith and Khattak were shot by people trying to get their hands on a video showing Rob Ford smoking crack, then he’s intricately linked to a homicide investigations.  His alleged crack smoking would be the trigger for the whole murder.  If this is an angle that homicide detectives are looking at, they’re probably going to want to talk to Ford to find out (a) what he was doing with Smith and Khattak in that picture, and (b) did Smith take a video of him smoking crack?   And unless he wants to face criminal charges for obstructing justice (or for perjury or giving false evidence if he’s ever called to testify), Ford had better come up with the truth (as opposed to the hand-waiving bullshit he’s been passing off on his voters) pretty damned quick.   

So, to recap, on an otherwise uneventful Tuesday: (i) Ford appoints a new communications director who previously faced drug allegation, (ii) we learn that Ford’s trusted hatchetman, David Price, was out scouring the streets of Rexdale and got a lead on the location of the Rob Ford crack video that the Ford Brothers claim doesn’t exist, (iii) Ford’s closest ally, Doug Holiday accepts that the video exists (making the Fords look even more ridiculous), and (iv) we learn Anthony Smith may have been killed for the Ford crack video (the one that doesn’t exist), ensnaring Ford in a potential homicide investigation.    Rob Ford’s got 99 Problems…

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