Sometimes you’ll read a story in the paper and say to yourself: “Is this a joke? Can people really be this stupid?” That was my reaction to the story about a conservative lobby group in the US who alleged that this skittles ad, featuring a woman making out with a Walrus, promoted bestiality. According to Monica Cole, the spokesperson for the group One-Million Moms:
“This human is doing something with an animal that doesn’t seem natural. Even though they weren’t in an actual sexual act, it gets your mind going and thinking things you shouldn’t be thinking.
“They’re taking lightly the acts of bestiality.”
Really? Did anyone with a functioning brain stem watch that ad and think “Hmm, sex with a walrus? I wonder…”? Personally, when I saw the ad, I wondered why the girl was making out with Rita Macneil, but that’s just me.
Granted, the ad isn’t particularly funny (skittles ads, while weird, rarely are), but it’s clearly intended to be a joke (a concept that is, perhaps, lost on a fair chunk of the social conservative set in the US). Of course what the girl’s doing “doesn’t seem natural”, that’s the point, it isn’t, just like eating a skittle that looks like one flavour and tastes like another. If Ms. Cole watched the ad and started “thinking things you shouldn’t be thinking”, she might just be a particularly sick fuck. Maybe she should get some help for that. (As an aside, anyone ever notice with some of these social conservative blowhards that the louder they denounce something, the more likely it is that they’re into it – see Foley, Mark, Haggard, Ted, Craig, Larry, I could go on). More likely, though, she’s just a special kind of stupid.
Of course, being the spokesperson for One-Million Moms, that kinda goes with the territory. In case you’re not familiar with their handiwork, One-Million Moms are the whiners who, in the name of protecting children, lobby TV networks to pull shows featuring “immorality, violence, vulgarity and profanity” (i.e. GOOD TV shows) and pester their advertisers into pulling ads if they don’t. They spent last winter trying (unsuccessfully) to get JC Penney to drop Ellen DeGeneres as a spokesperson. Seriously, these people must live horrible lives if they’re so fearful of the world around them that they think Ellen DeGeneres is going to turn their kids gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). If they weren’t such ass-clowns, I’d almost feel bad for them.
Of course, they could just “protect” their children by not letting them watch shows/ads that they find offensive (you know, like responsible parents do) while letting the rest of us watch what we want. But I suppose, being morons and all, that just isn’t realistic. Plus, it’s probably a lot more fun to be a kill-joy.
Finally, isn’t it a bit deceptive on their part to brand themselves “One-Million Moms” when they only have a quarter million members? Maybe they’re just bad at math.